Thinking About Crossing the Line

So, I’ve been reading a lot about a lot of legislation coming from California regarding the ethical treatment of illegal immigrants. They’re thinking that the best way to handle the immigration situation is to continue to throw our tax dollars at it.

But here’s what I’m thinking:

I’m thinking that, because most of the state of California is busy with rehab, protests, plastic surgery and growing pot, they prey, I mean they rely, on illegal Mexican labor to do the rest of the work there. The Californians most likely have a hidden agenda as well for wanting our tax money to go towards benefits for illegal workers. It is so they can sleep at night after paying them their less than minimum wages. Prescription sleeping pills are getting too costly.

I’m thinking our immigration policies indicate a future where the U.S. demographic figures will be including most of the population of Mexico. When it comes to defending the U.S.-Mexico border, America has bitten off more than they can chew. As we are the world leader in obesity rates, this is really quite a feat. The next policy the INS should try is zero-tolerance. We certainly haven’t minded using that policy with our schoolchildren. But California may fight back. There will be no civil war number two, though, we’ll just all be a completely different country. Because you know the saying: As California goes, so does the rest of the country. They’ve been leading us to new legal definitions of illegally-defined activities for years.

I’m thinking that America can solve the immigration problem completely, and probably take a nice chunk out of the federal deficit, by simply buying Mexico. The southern boundary line of Mexico, connecting it to Guatemala and Belize, is only a third the size of the U.S. border. Think of how much we could save just on the material costs of the Wall. And we could use cheap Mexican labor to do the patrolling. In fact, we could probably get a sweet package deal if we took the rest of Central America along with it. I think we could successfully guard that teeny border connecting it to South America. And it would bring us closer to our drug dealers in Columbia. Maybe cheaper transportation costs will drive the price of cocaine down enough so the needy can get off the crack and meth and switch to a drug that’s a habit of highly successful people.

But most of all I’m thinking that acquiring Mexico will add so many miles of American beachfront property for resorts and gambling casinos, we’ll never have to pay taxes again. Legalize pot and prostitution there and the Northern Mexican border will still be the most frequently crossed border in the world. Only this time, going the other way.