Thinking About the Census

So, I see where the U.S. will be spending over 10 billion dollars to accomplish the next Census count. I guess they’re thinking that even though the same data is collected over and over again, this number is necessary to ensure proper administration of government funding programs.

But here’s what I’m thinking:

I’m thinking that by the time the 2010 Census will be taken, there will be only one area of government funding anyway. All spending by then will have to be earmarked for the costs of World War III.

I’m thinking that with current policies being carried out regarding budget cuts in the areas of Medicare, child welfare, and police protection, when 2010 rolls around, we should have cut nicely into the survival rates of the elderly, the young and the wimpy. Having less population to count is a good, proactive way to cut costs.

I’m thinking the number can simply be figured out mathematically. First take all the currently active social security numbers. Add to that the number of illegal immigrants and extraterrestrials. Area 51 is close enough to Mexico to have accurate data on both. There’s no need to factor in additional newborns who haven’t been issued numbers yet, because this is offset by the amount of children on the welfare rolls who don’t actually exist. Finally, make a negative adjustment for the number of dead people who are still collecting monthly social security checks and you got yourself an accurate count.

So, really what I’m thinking is, don’t spend this money on yet more governmental redundancy. Give it to the poor. Less my 10% finder’s fee, of course.