Thinking About Illiteracy

So, I’m driving through Orlando recently and saw a billboard entirely in a foreign language. I only understood two things on it – the AT&T logo and Puerto Rico. Even though English is the official language of the State of Florida, this public notice shows what Orlando and AT&T think.

But here’s what I’m thinking:

I’m thinking I’ve just been discriminated against, criminally excluded from the influence of a mass-marketing ploy. I’d sue but I don’t think there’s anything in the Civil Rights Act to protect your national origin when it’s only American.

I’m also thinking, what the hell does it say? Win a trip to Puerto Rico? Get free phones? Free minutes? Anything free? Why don’t they want me to know what it is? Are they inciting revolution in Puerto Rico? Or revolution in Orlando by Puerto Ricans? Could AT&T be announcing corporate sponsorship of the island? Or its purchase?

I’m thinking that if I don’t understand the language in my own neighborhood, does that now make me a foreign national? I’d probably be better off with illegal immigrant status, though, as then I’d finally qualify for heath care benefits and food stamps.

I’m even thinking I’d start a massive letter-writing campaign to all the politicians in Florida, but I can’t afford the extra postage needed to include the Spanish translations.

But mostly I’m thinking, what’s next? Billboards in Mandarin? Ebonics? The language of money that only the rich understand? If this trend continues, I’ll have to drive all the way to Alabama to shop. We’ll be able to read the signs there because, luckily, my husband is fluent in redneck.