Thinking About the Needy

So, with all the new lottery games coming out recently, people are thinking it must be nice to be rich.

But here’s what I’m thinking:

I’m thinking that with the latest gas hikes, I’ve become too poor to afford both alcohol and gas. I’m proud to say it has already started to cut way down on my drunk driving. But I am no longer legally allowed to list myself as “Redneck” on Affirmative Action surveys.

I’m thinking that I don’t ever have to worry about accidentally overdosing on medications as I can only afford to fill one prescription at a time. I hardly even have enough pills to get me addicted. Of course, maybe that’s all that’s been holding me back from a career in Hollywood.

I’m thinking that I never have to protect myself from identity theft. My credit rating isn’t even high enough for the high-risk programs. I’m so bad that marketing companies voluntarily add my name to their “Do Not Call” lists.

But most of all I’m thinking that being poor will make it much easier on me when the economy falls completely apart. I’m already acclimated.