Thinking About Wildlife

So, I’ve just found out that, because my husband is twenty years younger than I am, I am technically known as a “cougar”. I guess the people that coined that term are thinking that the value of a young guy lies only in the challenge of prowling for them.

But here’s what I’m thinking:

I’m thinking that a twenty-something-year-old man is worth keeping for the long run. It’s nice to have someone around that doesn’t have to find a magnifying glass to read the expiration date on coupons. One that doesn’t need products for erectile dysfunction, baldness or prostate shrinkage. And one that won’t be going to the bathroom in the middle-of-the-night when I have to get up to go the bathroom in the middle-of-the-night.

I’m also thinking that I can be living at the poverty level and have gained fifty pounds, and will still want to show up at my high school reunions. When your husband wasn’t even born yet when you graduated from high school, you go to your reunions. In fact, it’s an absolute must.

But most of all I’m thinking that, by robbing the cradle, I’m making an excellent long-term investment in home health-care. Marrying my future orderly seems more affordable than what I’d have to pay as my portion of assistance from Medicare. Because you can’t trust your children to take care of you. They’re the reason they had to go and invent nursing homes.